Brown eyes
by Butterfly1989
Summary: Lily/James Songfic


**Hello everybody! This is my first fanfic and I'm a bit nervous. English is not my native language so I hope there aren't too many mistakes in there. It's a sonfic based on the song "Brown eyes" from Destiny's childs. I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything!**

**Brown eyes**

_Remember the first day when I saw your face__…  
_

The first day I saw _him_ was concurrent with the first day at my new school, Hogwarts, the school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We were travelling with the so called Hogwarts Express, a gigantic red engine, which took us to the mystic Hogwarts castle. I was currently crying in the same compartment _he_ was in, but neither of us acknowledged the other. I was hunched in a corner seat beside the window, my face pressed against the window pane, while _he_ and a group of rowdy boys were talking loudly. I'd been so upset because of my sister, who hated me because of something I was, something I am. The compartment door opened and Severus Snape, my best friend at that time, entered. I glanced at him for the fraction of a second and then looked back out of the window. "I don't want to talk to you." I said in a constricted voice, my eyes never leaving the landscape outside.

"Why not?" he asked oblivious to why I was so upset.

"Tuney h-hates me." I replied sobbing, "Because we saw that letter from Dumbledore."

"So what?" I looked at him.

"So she's my sister!" I spat. I tried to wipe my eyes without being noticed and didn't listen to what Severus had to say.

"But we're going! This is it! We're off to Hogwarts!" he exclaimed after a while, infecting me with his exhilaration. I nodded, smiling in spite of myself.

"You'd better be in Slytherin."

"Slytherin?" I heard _him_ say, speaking to us, to me, for the first time. _He_ had looked around at the word and was now facing us, slight, black-haired and with hazel brown eyes. "Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?" _he_ asked _his_ vis-à-vis, who didn't return the smile.

"My whole family has been in Slytherin." The boy said.

"Blimey, and I thought you seemed all right!" _he_ replied.

The other boy grinned. "Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?"

_He_ lifted an invisible sword. "_Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!_" _he_ answered, sure enough a slogan _he_ had memorised. "Like my dad." _He_ added proudly.

Severus made a small, disparaging noise. _He_ turned on him.

"Got a problem with that?"

"No," said Severus, though his slight sneer said otherwise. "If you'd rather be brawny than brainy-"

"Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?" the other boy interjected.

_He_ roared with laughter, something that made me annoyed immediately. I sat up, rather flushed, and looked at _him_ and _his_ friend in dislike.

"Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment." I said stiffly.

"Oooooo…" The two boys imitated me and _he_ tried to trip Severus as he passed. "See ya, Snivellus!" a voice called, as the compartment door slammed. I didn't know if it was _him_, who had said it.

…_remember the first day when you smiled at me…  
_

The first time _he_ smiled at me, was the first day in my fifth year. I was sitting in the compartment with my friend Mary Macdonald, she was speaking about her summer experiences.

"… and oh my god, can he kiss…" she told me for the third time since we had met at the station, 10 minutes ago. I laughed for the third time, begrudging her for her candidness and honesty. She was able to talk about everything and never felt embarrassed about anything. She always knew what to say, never abashed, she was incarnated repercussiveness.

"But tell me about your summer." She changed the subject without premonition.

"Well it was…" I began, but was interrupted only seconds later.

"Have you met someone?" she asked excited.

"Er…"

"How is he? Do I know him? What does he look like?" she sputtered like a waterfall, throwing question after question at me and never giving me the time to answer her.

"Stop it! I didn't meet anyone." I explained, throwing my arms up into the air. She was silenced for a good half minute, and then she continued with her gab.

"But why not? You're looking gorgeous. Every boy would be dump if he didn't see how absolutely outstanding you are." she said, gesturing with her hands in front of my face.

"Okay, okay. What did you have for breakfast? Drugs? You're acting like a lunatic."

"I'm not!" she defended herself.

I laughed and shook my head. "You're one crazy girl."

She hmpfed at me very ladylike and wrinkled her nose. And while she was acting like the offended one I looked out of the compartment door. The very same moment _he_ passed by with _his_ friends. _He_ was the only one looking into our compartment, and after a second, though it seemed much longer, in which _his_ brown eyes observed mine, _he_ nodded and smiled at me, a very genuine, dearly smile. There was a sparkle in _his_ eyes, I had never seen before. _He_ was beaming at me, _his_ full lips forming this irresistible, contagious, disarming smile, which made _him_ look twice as handsome as _he_ already was. The moment was gone, as quickly as it had come, and I looked at Mary, who looked at me as stunned as I felt.

"Did James Potter just smile at you, or am I really such a lunatic as you said?" she asked in disbelief, looking out of the door once more.

"If you are, you're in great company, 'cause then I'm one too."

"Wow." she said. I waited but she did not continue. She really was stunned.

"Why did he smile at me? I mean, we only fight, right? We're not doing anything else." I said slowly, thinking back at the last school year.

"Right." Mary endorsed me.

"So… what did I do?" I asked helpless. She only hunched her shoulders, speechless.

… _you stepped to me and you said to me  
I was the woman you dreamed about.  
_

The Hogwarts Express came to a halt five hours later, and Mary and I exited the engine, taking the enormous trunks with us to the platform of Hogsmeade. We were preoccupied in a conversation about the latest attack of You-Know-Who, the encounter with _him_ momentarily forgotten.

"You knew him? Really?" I asked in disbelief.

"Well, sure. I think I'm related to him too. I mean, all purebloods are related somehow…" Mary put her forefinger onto her cheek, thinking hard. "I think my aunt is the cousin of the nephew, who has married the daughter who is the sister of the boy who was murdered." She explained, looking at me as if it would be obvious. I nodded, not having followed her little monologue one bit.

"Well, it's horrible…" I said eventually.

"Yeah… nobody is safe in these times." Mary almost whispered.

We fell into a long silence while we waited for the carriages, which would take us to the castle.

I felt someone's presence beside me, but I did not look up. I was too absorbed in my thoughts.

"You must be exhausted." A deep voice, so deep it sounded almost intended, said, making me jump a little. I looked around and there _he_ stood, lazily ruffling _his_ hair with _his_ left hand, an annoying habit which _he_ thought was very cool. _He_ seemed to be nervous, although _he_ tried very hard to hide it. I looked at _him_ irritated, frowning.

"I beg your pardon?" I said, not thinking of anything else to say.

"I said, you must be exhausted." _He_ replied casually.

"Why should I be exhausted?" I asked confused.

"Because you've been running through my mind all summer." _he_ said, seemingly very proud of himself for the worst pick up line I had ever heard. Beside me, Mary snorted and turned away to hide her smirk. I began to laugh too, but stopped when I saw _he_ wasn't joining me.

"Where is the punch line?" I asked suspiciously.

"This isn't a joke!" _he_ said offended, peering at me with an odd expression on _his_ face.

"Why wouldn't it? You always make fun of me." I scowled at _him_.

"But Lily, you have to know that…"

"Wait a minute!" I interrupted _him_, gesturing with my right arm to stop _him_ from speaking. "Since when are we on first names?" _he_ ignored my question and went on with _his_ original sentence.

"Lily, you have to believe me. I like you, you're the woman I dreamed abo-"

I interrupted _him_ again, now furious. "It's not funny okay. I have enough of you and your stupid friends, making fun of me, only because my best friend is a Slytherin. And telling me you're in love with me or something like that is below the belt. Grow up, okay." I yelled at _him_, my mood on the low point. _He_ looked at me incredulously, and somehow hurt, but at that time being I didn't see it, or I didn't want to see it. I only heard Sirius laugh in the distance when I turned to see the carriages arrive; his laughter making me much more furious.

"What was that?" Mary asked, staring at _him_ while _he_ went back to _his_ friends.

I shook my head, not wanting to know, and headed to the nearest carriage. I climbed into it and looked back, only to see Remus Lupin clapping _him_ onto the shoulder. "Bad luck, mate." I heard Sirius say. Huffing, I turned my head to look into the direction the carriage was heading, Hogwarts.

_I know that he loves me cause he told me so__…_

It was a year and nine months later that I knew, _he_ had not been joking. It was the end of sixth year and I was heading through the halls, in search of _him_. I was outraged. Again, _he_ had had the nerve to do something as stupid as this. Previous that day I had entered the common room to find abnormally many students in there. I had looked for a reason, and oh did I found one. There, on the wall beside the stairs which lead to the sixth year's girl's dorm was, in red one meter high letters, written: _Go out with me, Evans?_ I couldn't believe myself. When the students knew about by presence they looked at me, laughed, pointed with their stupid forefingers at me, and I couldn't but blush, half because I was embarrassed, half because I was furious. And now I was searching for the culprit, ready to murder _him_, again. _He_ had not stopped asking me out since the first school day back in fifth year, and I was getting bored about it. I didn't have the nerve to play along with this stupid joke, and now, every time _he_ not more than looked at me I became angry for no reason. I almost felt bad for _him_, sometimes, but then _he_ did something like this and all senses of guilt vanished.

I stormed through the school, only to find _him_ and _his_ stupid best friend at the end of the staircase to the Astronomy tower. They didn't see me coming, and I was ready to yell at _him_, when I heard _him_ speak.

"I don't know what else I can do…" _he_ said defeated, _his_ face hided by _his_ hands, and I wondered why _he_ was so upset. I decided to hide and eavesdrop, although I knew I had no right to do so.

"Prongs, she'll come around eventually." Sirius said seriously, something I hadn't seen him do before.

_He_ shook _his_ head, still not showing _his_ face. "No Padfoot, she won't. I messed it up, before I had the chance to let her know. She won't give me the time of day." _He_ rubbed _his_ face and ruffled _his_ hair, sighing. And when I saw _his_ face, I knew _he_ spoke about me. I knew _he_ had been serious about _his_ attempts to get a date with me. And I felt the guilt rush over me for not seeing it, for treating _him_ so wrong. I stumbled backwards, but tripped and fell. _He_ looked up and saw me, and I could see it in _his_ eyes, that _he_ knew that I had heard _him_.

_He_ stood up, looked at Sirius who nodded and went away. They were able to communicate without words, and for a moment I envied them for it. But then _he_ stood in front of me, stretched _his_ hand in my direction. I took it and _he_ pulled me up with ease.

"I assume you heard me?" It was a statement, masked as a question and I could see the hurt in _his_ eyes, when _he_ spoke those words. I could only nod, couldn't trust my voice to speak, while I lost myself in those big brown eyes.

I heard _him_ sigh; saw _him_ ruffling _his_ hair, taking a step closer… too close. But I did not retreat, I only looked - looked at _him_.

"Lily… you have to know… I…" I waited patiently, but there were no more words or sounds leaving _his_ lips. Instead _he_ came even closer, till _his_ hazel eyes filled my vision. All I could do was staring. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, so I only looked away… away from those eyes.

"Lily…" _he_ whispered, _his_ warm breath tickling my pale skin, forming goose bumps along my spine. Rough fingertips touched my cheek in such a soft, loving way it was making me weak in the knees. _He_ caressed my lower jaw, my chin, taking it between _his_ thump and forefinger and forcing me gently to look at _him_ again. There was this sparkle again. This sparkle I had seen so many times before. _His_ thump caressed my lower lip, _his_ face slowly nearing mine.

"Lily, I think I fell in love with you." _He_ whispered _his_ lips right beside my left ear. My eyes widened and only second later I had backed away three feet at least.

"What…" I stammered, wanting nothing more than leave. I turned, but felt _him_ hold my wrist. I turned again, looked at _him_. _He_ looked at me, _his_ eyes pleading me to stay, to let _him_ explain. But I couldn't. So I wrenched my wrist out of _his_ soft touch and ran, ran, till I couldn't anymore. I fell to the floor, breathing hard, waiting till the pain and guild would go away. But it wouldn't.

…_I know that he loves me cause his feelings show…_

I had avoided _him_ the last week of school, and then, after the summer holidays I saw _him_ again on the platform while I said good bye to my parents. I hugged my father and _he_ passed by, smiling briefly at me. I smiled back, only for a moment, but _he_ saw it and I could have sworn _his_ smile became brighter.

"Take care, okay!" my mother said, hugging me for the fourth time. I smiled and nodded.

"Greet Tuney for me, will you?" I said, my smile flickering slightly at the thought of my sister.

"We will." My father reassured me. I nodded again, waved at them and watched them disappear through the wall. I turned and looked at the engine in front of me. It would bring me to Hogwarts for my last school year. I sighed and struggled with my trunk to hump it to the train. Suddenly I felt someone take it, and I looked up to find _him_ beside me.

"Here, let me help you." _He_ said kindly. _His_ voice was normal, not this intended deep voice _he_ had used to have the last two years during every conversation we had had. I liked this normal, kind voice of _him_. I smiled at _him_, for the second time in less then 5 minutes and I was surprised about myself. _He_ seemed more than pleased by my smile, returning it genuinely.

"So, I take a risk and ask how your summer has been." _He_ said after a moment, looking at me almost shyly - almost. We walked side by side now, my trunk in front of _him_.

"Well it was… good." I said finally, looking up at _him_. "And yours?" I asked politely.

_He_ ruffled _his_ black hair so that it was messier than usually. It was a bad habit of _him_, but it wasn't as annoying as it had used to be. "Like always." _He_ said at least, shrugging. I didn't ask further, it seemed _he_ wasn't very excited to talk about it.

"So… you've been made Head Boy?" I asked with a quick glance at _his_ chest.

_He_ nodded. "Yep." _He_ said, and I couldn't but notice the proud in _his_ voice. I wondered why, thought. It hadn't seemed like _he_ had wanted to have the position the previous year.

"You're surprised, aren't you?" _he_ asked with a slight, knowing smile. I could feel my face blushing and turned away a bit, to hide my embarrassment.

"That's okay." _He_ reassured me. "Honestly, I was surprised by myself. And Padfoot thought it was hilarious. He mocked me all summer about it, calling me teacher's pet non stop." Again I was surprised about _his_ casualness and how friendly _he_ was. I wondered briefly if Sirius' joshing had been the cause for _his_ bad summer.

"Well, I think Dumbledore made me Head Boy because I worked very hard the last year, thanks to you." _He _said after a while, smiling at me gratefully.

"Me?" I asked astonished, thinking back of what I could have done.

"I remember a conversation, or let's say a disagreement, when you told me to grow up and to deflate my head a bit. Er… I took this, for the first time, seriously, and look. I've been made Head Boy, and by my side the wonderful Head Girl, Lily Evans." _He_ looked at me again, _his_ eyes searching mine. I was pleasantly surprised about _his_ honesty and couldn't believe _he_ had remembered the conversation we had had at the beginning of sixth year. We approached the train and _he_ climbed into it before me. _He_ turned, stretched out _his_ hand and I took it, feeling the warmness of _his_ hand reaching me too.

…_when he stares at me you see he cares for me,  
you see how he is so deep in love.  
_

It was the first week into the school year and I was frustrated. Everyone and everything was frustrating. My annoying classmates who understood those silly instructions McGonagall had given us the day before. Those bloody girls in my dorm who had giggled and whispered all night about some gossip I hadn't wanted to hear. The stupid Slytherin who had called me Mudblood just an hour ago and the irritating stare of _him_, staring holes into my neck. I tried to concentrate onto the essay I had to write for Professor Fiddle, the Defence against the Dark Arts teacher: _5 ways to realize you're standing in front of a Kelpie._

I had written three words already, in 30 minutes. I looked at the 1 foot long parchment again. _The water demon _stood in the left corner of it, written in my neat, small handwriting. Frustrated about this too, I tossed the not even really commenced homework aside and grunted audibly.

"Don't look, but James Potter is undressing you with his eyes at the moment." Mary said, sitting down beside me and making herself comfortable in the modest armchair.

I huffed, not replying to this unnecessary suggestion and not looking up from the crackling fire, which I had chosen to observe for the last seven and a half minutes (but who's counting).

"Oh come on, that's a good thing." She nudged me gently. "You can see he cares for you a lot."

I looked at her finally. "Why would you see that?" I asked.

"The way he looks at you, the way you can see the concern in his eyes. He cares for you, believe me!" Mary opened her Witch Weekly and began to read an article about how to learn everything about boys in less than four minutes. While she was occupied with her perusal I let my eyes roam through the common room and they landed briefly on _him_. I was not surprised to see _him_ looking at me. We weren't far away from each other and I could see _his_ brown eyes glistening behind _his_ glasses. Though I had not wanted to believe Mary, I had to confess it, at least to myself. _He_ was concerned about me. _He_ really did care for me. And I couldn't but blush for this observation. Before _he_ could see my flushed face, though, I turned away.

"I told you so." Mary, the know-it-all, said and I glared at her in response.

"Didn't you want to learn something about boys?" I asked moodily.

"Done. And it only took me…" she looked at her watch, the watch I couldn't read one bit, "…3 minutes and 49 seconds. Now I'm an expert if it comes to boys. Try me." She demanded. I tried to think of a good question, when I heard someone giggle beside me.

"Oh my god." Alice said, Marlene giggling again.

"What's up?" I asked, trying to distract not only me, but Mary too.

"James Potter." Alice began, when I froze.

"What's with him?" Mary asked with a wicked grin.

"He's so deep in love with you, Lily." She said, looking at _him_.

"Did you read the article in Witch Weekly?" Mary inquired.

"O course." Alice laughed and Mary looked at me triumphantly. I could only shake my head, defeated.

_I know that he loves me cause its obvious__…_

We had potions. The whole dungeon was filled with gaudy warm reek, but it shouldn't. The smoke was impenetrable and I could hardly see my own kettle. It had been _his_ fault, as always. We had just begun to make the _velo oscuro, _adisguising potion. I had wanted to cut my ginger root when I had noted I had forgotten my silver knife. I had wanted to smack myself for my own stupidity. Instead I had asked the only one near me. _Him. _

"Erm… James." _He_ had nearly dropped the valuable unicorn hair into _his_ potion but had caught it the last second. _He_ had looked up at me with curious, questioning eyes.

"Yeah?" _he_ had asked warily. I had wondered why _he_ had been so nervous. It hadn't been the first time I had talked to _him_, had it?

"I've forgotten my knife, could you lent me yours for a moment?" I had asked a small smile on my lips. _He_ had nodded immediately, bending down for _his_ school bag. When _he_ had straightened up, _he_ had hit Sirius' kettle and with a loud thud it had landed onto the floor, spreading its contents everywhere, onto me too. I had shrieked, like girls do sometimes, and _he_ had looked at me horrified.

"I'm so sorry." _He_ had said grapping a towel and trying to help clean the mess up.

"It's okay." I had replied escaping _his_ reach and with a swank of my wand everything had been clean again.

"Are you still working?" Professor Slughorn had asked, but he hadn't stood up from the desk.

"Everything's fine." I had said, walking back to my seat. I had looked back to the two sitting beside me.

"You're such an idiot." Sirius had said to _him_. I had only shaken my head and lent the knife from my other neighbor. It had been quiet for a few minutes. I had been working hard and had been very pleased with my potion. A silver steam had appeared curtly above the dark green liquid, an unmistaken sign I had been doing everything correctly.

"Ah, very good indeed, Miss Evans." Professor Slughorn had said while he had been observing my potion with eagle eyes. I had smiled proudly. Only seconds later something beside me had whistled so piercingly I had had to cover my ears. After a few moments the whistling had gone. I had looked to my right and _his_ potion had been producing gaudy reek, filling the whole dungeon. _He_ had looked at me apologetically, and then I had not been able to see _him_ anymore through the smoke.

Sirius had been laughing heartily. "Seems foggy today." I had heard him say. "I wonder who you were staring at all the time." He had said lightly. "Dare I say it was Evans?"

And there I stood now; the reek slowly fading away, all students laughing, because they had heard Sirius' words. And now I knew: It was really that obvious…

…_I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts…_

"Why not?" I shouted feeling outraged.

"I told you before. I have something to do… something very important." _He_ replied in _his_ casual voice.

"But… It's not nice you know? Leaving me alone for patrols all the time." I scowled at _him_. I didn't know why I was so furious especially on this day. Otherwise I wasn't so frustrated about _him_ not taking part at the patrol. But now I was almost crying. Why did _he_ always go away? _He_ was supposed to like me.

_He_ sighed, ruffling _his_ hair, and all I wanted to do was touching _his_ soft hair with my fingertips. I shook my head in irritation and looked at _him_ again.

"Lily, really, I'm sorry. If it wasn't this important I'd love to go with you on patrols. You know that."

I nodded, once and very curtly. "Okay, if that's your answer I have to accept it." I said after a while, disappointed. Without another word I turned and left. I had hardly moved three meters, when I felt a hand close gently around my wrist.

"I can trust you, can't I?" _he_ asked, _his_ voice not above a whisper. I nodded, looking into _his_ eyes. "Yes, you can trust me." I replied.

"Come with me." With these words _he_ pulled me gently and I followed _him_ without hesitation. We left the castle, the cold winter air hitting us and I shivered a bit because I hadn't brought my coat with me. Unconsciously I stepped a bit closer, till my left arm and shoulder touched _his'_. I could see _his_ skin reacting to the touch. Goosebumps erupted on _his_ arm and _his_ cheeks became slightly pink. Strangely enough, I was pleased with myself. We neared the Whomping Willow and I felt myself getting stiff. What were we doing out here? I looked at the enormous tree almost afraid. The perches were rebounding dangerously when the tree felt our presence.

"Wait here." _he_ said to me. _He_ vanished behind the tree and I, not daring to leave the place I was standing, wrenched my neck to get a look on what _he_ was doing. Only seconds later the trees' perches froze in mid-air and _he_ headed to me, taking my hand in _his_.

"C'mon." _he_ said without an explanation. We hurried to the trunk. Although the tree seemed unperilous now, I didn't trust it one bit. I kept looking at the thick perches, eying them suspiciously. _He_, on the other hand, seemed to be completely calm. As we neared the trunk I could see a hole on the ground I had never seen before. I wondered what would be in there when we came to a halt in front of it.

"Hurry up." _He_ said, and I looked at him with a blank expression on my face.

"Beg your pardon?" I said perplexed.

"Off you go." _He_ said looking at me, a small smile tugging at _his_ lips. I wanted to smack _him_ for _his_ unabashed behavior and to tear the smile off _his_ face.

"But where?" I asked eventually, still irritated into endlessness.

"Into the hole." _He_ explained.

I crossed my arms, shaking my head stubbornly.

"Oh don't be such a girl."

"In case you haven't noticed, I _am_ one." I said, almost offended, although I knew _he_ was only joking.

"I can see that." _He_ replied with a daring and not very subtle look at my chest. I immediately turned away.

"Okay okay, I'm going." I grunted, defeated. _He_ grinned and we climbed through the hole. It was dark, but soon illuminated by the light of _his_ wand. _He_ led me through a narrow tunnel. It was a long way till we came to a halt in front of a wooden door. _He_ turned to look at me.

"I can trust you, right?" _he_ repeated the question _he_ had asked me previously.

"Yes, you can." I replied sincerely.

"Okay." _He_ whispered, more to himself than to me. _He_ opened the door tentatively, _his_ left hand never leaving mine. Slowly we entered a small room. It was dark inside and my eyes needed some time to get used to it. I looked around and took the room in. It was a mess. Chairs lay on the ground their missing legs were spread all over the floor. Bits of fur mixed with dirt were covering the ground. The view of the only window was locked by a few old looking planks. A bed stood in the middle of the room, its blankets torn up and the pillow was splattered with something that looked suspiciously like blood.

"What _is_ this?" I asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"It's where I am every full moon night." _He_ explained warily. And then it hit me.

"No…" I said, bringing my hand to my open mouth, shocked. _He_ didn't reply, just looked at me and I retreated a bit, bringing some distance between us.

"You know that Remus is a werewolf, right?" I nodded, trying to understand what was going on.

"Well, it surely is easier to just to show it to you, so…" _he_ didn't finish the sentence, instead there suddenly stood a big, hazel brown stag in front of me. I jumped a bit and took a step backwards. It stamped with its hoof, bending down its elegant head so I could see its eyes, those eyes… I couldn't believe myself. I only shook my head. Repeating the only word I could form right now. _Impossible… Impossible… Impossible__…_ After an instant _he_ stood in front of me again, looking at me almost apologetic.

"We are here with him every full moon night." _He_ repeated. "We _want_ to be here."

"We?" I asked after a few seconds of silence.

"Yes. We" was all _he_ said. _He_ didn't say who else would be with _him_ once in a month, and _he_ needn't to. It was crystal clear.

"I trust you Lily." _He_ said. It sounded almost like a question. I took _his_ cold hand in mine, nodding. "Yes James. Trust me!"

…_and when he looks at me his brown eyes tell his soul.  
_

It was past midnight and I wasn't able to sleep. I thought about the conversation I had had with _him_ only hours ago and now I was worried. Worried about _him_. It was strange. Only months ago I had loathed _him_ and now I couldn't get any sleep because I was worried about _him_. I sighed and sat up, listening into the night. Nothing was to be heard. Quietly I stood up, making sure not to wake my roommates. I crept to the window looking out into the darkness. The cloudless sky was splattered with stars and the bright full moon illuminated the landscape. It looked beautiful, entrancing, captivating. But I didn't see the beauty. Somewhere out there, there was a werewolf, dangerous and scary, and three seventeen-year-old boys, illegal animagi, which frolicked around the area. Everything could happen. I sighed, running a hand through my messy hair and turned to the door. I went downstairs to the empty common room, seating myself into a modest armchair in front of the almost erased fire. I shuddered, my thoughts surrounding only _him_. Why was _he_ suddenly so important to me? Had I changed? Or _he_? I didn't know it and I felt frustrated. All I could think about was this contagious, disarming smile _he_ shot into my direction whenever _he_ saw me. And all I could do in reply was grinning like some lunatic. But, for some unknown and mysterious reasons, _he_ seemed to like it. Did _he_ still like me? Since the school year had begun _he_ had not asked me out once. And, as relieved I had been in the beginning, it now concerned me. Why wasn't _he_ asking me out anymore? Had I done something wrong? Had _he_ finally given up? Had I really been such a pain in the ass? And primly, why was I even thinking about it?

_Lily_

…

_Lily_

…

_Lily_

…

I blinked, my eyes not wanting to open because of the light in the room. I grunted, holding my hand against my temple, feeling a headache on its way. My back hurt too and I didn't know why I was feeling so dead beat. My eyes still closed I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, shaking me softly. Again I only grunted in response, shaking my head slightly.

"C'mon Lily, you should go to bed."

_His_ voice made me open my eyes finally and I stared right into hazel brown eyes.

I straightened up at once, looking around the room in a feeble attempt to hide my embarrassment. I had been dreaming about _him_…. Oh god, I hopefully had not been speaking in my sleep.

"Why are you still down here?" _he_ asked. It seemed _he_ had not overheard something awkward so I decided it was safe to look at _him_.

_He_ looked wan with _his_ hooded eyes, _his_ pale skin and _his_ fuzzy black hair. A scratch stretched from _his_ cheekbone to _his_ chin, the blood around it had already dried. As I looked at _him_ I felt relieve rush over me. _He_ was okay.

"I waited for you." I replied without hesitation, looking _him_ directly into the eyes. _He_ seemed to brighten up by my words and _he_ looked much more handsome as _he_ did so.

"Yeah?" _he_ asked. I nodded in response and stood up to stand in front of _him_.

"How did it go?" I asked, observing the scratch on _his_ cheek. Without thinking I touched the wound with my fingertips, the question forgotten. _He_ twitched but did not retreat. I let my thump follow the scratch softly and I felt _him_ hold _his_ breath. I felt myself blush when I realised how close we were. I intended to take my hand away, but _his_ left hand shot up, holding my hand to _his_ cheek. It was an intimate moment as we stood in the empty common room, just staring at each other, my hand lingering on _his_ cheek, _his_ hand on mine.

"Lily" _he_ whispered eventually, breaking the silence.

"Yes?" I asked my voice too not above a whisper.

_He_ took a deep breath, _his_ brown eyes looking into mine and I knew what _he_ was going to say, or rather ask. _His_ eyes told _his_ soul.

"I'm going to ask you once and I hope I'm not going to ruin everything we have. But I don't want to be just your friend, and you know that. You know I like you, too, so I hope I'm not overtaking you…" A smile tugged at my lips when _he_ went on and on in _his_ gab, but I waited patiently.

"Would… Lily would you like to go out with me?" _he_ asked. I opened my mouth to give _him_ my reply, but _he_ went on. "You don't have to give me your answer immediately, just promise me to think about it, okay?"

"James." I said, smiling broadly up at _him_. "I'd love to go out with you."

"Oh… okay…" _he_ said disappointed, looking away from me. A fraction of a second later _his_ eyes shot to mine not believing _his_ ears. "Wait… what?" _he_ asked and _he_ couldn't help the smile which was tugging at _his_ lips.

"I'd love to go." I repeated. Tiptoeing, I gave _him_ a kiss on the cheek and retreated a bit. _He_ was literally beaming and I grinned back.

"And now I go to bed, I'm exhausted." I explained. I felt light-headed when I went upstairs. Before I could enter my dorm, although, I was stopped by _his_ call.

"Lily!" I turned. _He_ stood in front of the staircase to the girls' dorm grinning up at me. _His_ grin was now suspiciously mischievous.

"What?" I asked a bit irritated.

"When you were asleep I accidentally heard you speak and…"

I feared the worst.

"I didn't know you have such dreams about me?" _he_ grinned wickedly and I wanted to disappear right then and there. A blush crept into my cheeks.

"I'm off to bed now." I spluttered, taking flight in abashment.

_Remember the fi__rst day when you called my house…_

The first day _he_ called my house was the day before Christmas. I was with my dad in the living room and decorated the Christmas tree with him. I had just arrived the day before and I was very happy to be with my family again. I had missed them terribly.

Petunia entered the room and approached my dad, but not before shooting a glare into my direction. I decided to ignore it, which was the best way to handle my loathing sister. Since I had received the first letter from Hogwarts I was like an insect for her, an abhorrently, tiny insect she was supposed to tread down. She barley spoke a word with me and when she had to, it was insulting and mean.

"Vernon is going to stay for a few days, if it's okay with you." She said to dad, helping him with the fairy lights.

"Sure honey. I'd like to see him again, we haven't seen him for ages." He replied and I couldn't believe his words. Did he really like that bloke? Vernon Dursley was atrocious. He had been going out with my sister for six month now and I disliked him dearly. He only spoke about his fathers' stupid company he worked in and he complained about everything and everyone with the only exception of his beloved drilling machines. I didn't have a clue why my sister was with him. I looked at Petunia. She was beautiful in her own way. I liked her ash blond locks and her tall, slim figure. She looked special with her prominent features. She had high cheek bones, a high forehead and dark, mysterious eyes. She could have done so much better than Vernon _enormous _Dursley, with his big moustache and his small-sized, round complexion.

I sighed and shook my head at the thought of him. Something I shouldn't have done, 'cause before I knew what was going on my sister stood in front of me, staring diggers at me.

"You've got a problem with that?" she asked challenging, her fists clenched in anger.

"I didn't say anything, did I?" I replied, glaring.

"I know exactly what you're doing." She said. It rang at the door, but neither of us paid attention to it.

"Oh, and what would that be?" I asked, feigning interest.

"You're just jealous." She cried over the bell, which rang again. Dad sighed and stood up.

"Of what should I be…" but the words stuck in my throat when I heard my dad answering the door.

"Merlin, this thing is hilarious." I heard someone say, ringing the bell again and again.

"And you are?" I heard my dad ask in his deep, calm voice. I knew who was standing in front of him before I heard the answer.

"James Potter." _He_ introduced himself. "I'm here to see Lily." I gasped. _He_ was telling this my dad, my over protective, 'I'm going to kill every boy who's nearing my daughters' dad. It had taken Vernon long enough to convince dad, he was good enough for his daughter, but _he_ didn't mince matters. I turned away from Petunia, who looked at me intrigued, and jogged into the entrance hall. They were shaking hands when I arrived beside my dad.

"Lily!" _His_ face lit up when _he_ saw me and my dad looked at _him_ sceptically.

"James, what are you doing here?" I asked a bit out of breath.

"I wanted to make sure you haven't forgotten about our date." _He_ said proudly while _he_ ruffled _his_ hair. Okay…. This had been the wrong thing to say. My dad's eyes widened as if they would fall out any moment and his mouth stood agape.

_His_ bright smile faltered a bit by my fathers' reaction and _he_ looked at me, unsure.

"Probably you should…" I began but was interrupted by my mother who came from the kitchen, wiping her hands at her apron.

"Oh who's that?" she asked, smiling broadly up at _him_, who was so much taller then her. _He_ was, I suddenly noticed, taller then my father, too.

"That's James; he goes to school with me." I explained.

"It's nice to meet you, James." She smiled, shaking _his_ hand. Gaining confidence from my mothers' genuine smile, _he_ smiled back at her charmingly. "Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Evans." _He_ replied.

"You'll stay for dinner, won't you?" she asked. Already assuming _he_ would stay, she went on. "Vernon should be here soon, so we have a nice get together." My dad didn't seem too excited, but my mothers' decisions were law.

"But… Honey… He… this boy says he has a date with _our _daughter." My father stammered and my mum's smile brightened.

"Oh really?" she asked excited. "How wonderful, Lily." She looked at me and then at _him_ again. She seemed okay with the idea and I rolled my eyes.

"Lily, did you hear that?" _He_ asked me, as excited as my mother was.

"Darling, you can't simply team up with him." My dad lectured, pointing an accusing forefinger at her.

"But honey, he's such a nice boy, not like…" she looked at him meaningfully, "_the_ _other_."

I snorted, knowing exactly whom she meant.

"C'mon let's go inside." She continued.

As we were about to enter someone cough behind us. We turned and Vernon Dursley stood in front of us, in his whole self.

"Vernon." My mother greeted, not as friendly as she had greeted _him_. I couldn't but smile at my mothers' behaviour. You could read her like an open book.

"'evening Mrs. Evans, Mr. Evans." Vernon greeted, shaking their hands.

Petunia came running out of the house and stopped in front of him, kissing him lightly. I noticed she had changed her cloths. She now wore a pink cocktail dress; it didn't suit her very well.

Vernon, after kissing his girlfriend, looked at me.

"Ah, Lily, isn't it." He said and then turned to see _him_ standing beside me.

"James Potter." _He_ introduced himself, shaking Vernon's hand. I could only grin when I saw them stand next to one another. _He_, tall and slender, a mischievous glint in _his_ hazel nut eyes, a casual smile on _his_ lips and _his_ raven coloured hair as messy as always, although it had something elegant in it. Beside _him_ Vernon, small-sized, bulky, baby-blue eyed, a round red face and a bushy moustache. They couldn't have been more different. Petunia eyed _him_ too, she seemed almost afraid of _him_, and suddenly I knew why. Vernon didn't know anything about magic and about me being a witch. I had to tell _him_ _he_ had to be careful.

"James, wait a minute." I said to _him_ before we entered the kitchen. _He_ seemed surprised but followed me back in the entrance hall nonetheless.

"You have to be careful what you say, okay? Vernon is a muggle, and he doesn't know anything about magic. If he'd find out about it, Petunia would kill me." I warned.

"And we don't want that." _He_ reassured me, looking at me intensely.

"Right" I said, smiling up at _him_. "We don't want that."

…_remember the first day when you took me out…_

The first day _he_ took my out happened to be only the day after _he_ had visited me. I was brushing my wet hair when my mother called me from downstairs.

"I'm coming!" I replied, rushing down the stairs and skipping the last two. "What's up?"

"It's for you." She said, grinning and handing me the receiver. I wondered briefly who would call me but had the answer only moments later.

"Hello?" I said. I heard someone cough and then such a loud voice I had to hold the receiver away from me at least 30 centimetres.

"LILY? IS IT YOU?" _He_ shouted and I almost laughed.

"Yes, it's me. James, why are you shouting so much?" I asked.

"CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

"Clearly" I replied. "You can stop the shouting, you know."

"Oh…" _he_ said. "Sorry."

"No problem. Why are you calling me James?" I asked, still grinning like a lunatic.

"Well you know. Yesterday I hadn't had the chance to ask you what I came for in the first place." _He_ said, and I twirled the wire around my finger while I listened to _his_ words.

"You know, my mum's giving a Christmas party at our house and I wanted to ask if you'd like to come…"

I was lucky _he_ couldn't see my stupid grin through the receiver, 'cause than the answer wouldn't have sound so calm and smooth.

"Like a date?" I asked casually, and I could hear _him_ exhale _his_ breath.

"Well… we did agree you'd go out with me, didn't we?" _he_ asked a bit unsure. "And I thought it would be great if…"

"Yes." I interrupted him, not having the patient to wait till _his_ gab would end. "I'd love to come." I imagined _his_ smile on the other line and smiled myself.

"Great! I'll pick you up at 7 p.m., if it's okay with you." I nodded but then remembered _he_ couldn't see me, so I affirmed.

After we had said our good byes I hung up and did a pirouette to let out my excitement.

"What's going on?" my mum asked grinning, coming out from the kitchen. I knew she had eavesdropped but I was too happy to be mad at her.

"I'll be not able to attend our little party tonight, I'm sorry." I said. My mum only nodded.

"What are you going to wear?" she asked.

It was almost 7 and I was nervous. Again I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I wore a silver-grey cocktail dress, with broadly based straps. The fabric was silky and smooth and with every move I made it waved around my knees. The heels of my grey ankle boots were very high and I hoped I wouldn't have to stand all night, because they certainly would hurt sometime. My wavy red hair fell over my shoulders till to my shoulder blades. I had not put on much make up, but I had painted my eyes in a sparkling black. I was putting some lip gloss onto my lips when the doorbell rung. My stomach did a flip flop when I heard my mum answer the door. I heard my mother greet _him_ and only seconds later laughing at something _he_ must have said. I wondered briefly what could have been so funny she was laughing like that but dispelled it almost contemporaneous.

With a last look into the mirror I opened my door and went downstairs. _He_ stood in the entrance hall and smiled broadly at me when _he_ saw me. I smiled back, hoping I wouldn't fall down the stairs because of my knees, which suddenly seemed like butter.

"You look wonderful." _He_ whispered into my ear when I stood in front of _him_. I felt my mothers' grin and my fathers' sceptical look follow us till we got out of the house.

_He_ offered me _his_ arm and I took it.

"Off we go." _He_ said and only seconds later we stood in front of a large house, not to say a mansion. I could hear music from the inside and we walked the short way to the front door. While we walked in silence I took a better look at _him_. _He_ didn't look too bad also, in his black tuxedo.

We arrived in front of the house and _he_ opened the door for me.

…_we had butterflies although we tried to hide  
and we both had a beautiful night._

It was only after a few minutes I realized how many Hogwarts students were at the party. Most of the Gryffindor house many Hufflepuff's and a few Ravenclaw's as well. I saw Alice kiss Frank Longbottom under the mistletoe and knew how happy she must have been. She had fancied Frank long enough. Suddenly I felt nervous. Did _he_ expect me to kiss _him_ too? Was I ready for that? I felt _his_ warm hand on the small of my back and all the butterflies I had tried to suppress erupted in my stomach. It felt odd and wonderful at the same time and I wanted it to never stop. I looked up at _him_ and _he_ smiled back, _his_ hand in _his_ hair again. It was a sign _he_ was nervous too and I felt myself relax a bit.

"You want something to drink?" _he_ asked, leading me already to the sideboard.

"Sure." I nodded. While we approached the tables I heard someone call _his_ name, or rather _his_ nickname.

"Prongs!" Sirius' voice reached us from the other side of the hall.

"Ahh…" Sirius said when he had approached us. "Evans, didn't think to meet you here, particularly not with our Prongsie here."

"Well, miracles happen." I said, crossing my arms.

"Too true." He sighed. "Now I have to give Wormtail the 5 galleons we bet, blimey."

"What does that mean?" I asked. "Did you bet at…" but I was interrupted by _him_.

"Hey Lily, wanna dance?" and with this words _he_ dragged me to the dance floor.

"But James, did you hear that? He has a bet with Peter and…"

"Sirius is a madman; don't listen to him, okay?" _He_ took my right hand in _his_ left, _his_ thump caressing the back of my hand calmingly. _His_ right hand lay on the small of my back, drawing me up to _him_. Only then I realized we were about to dance together for the first time.

And, like in the classy tearjerker of course, a schmaltzy song began to play exactly that moment.

_He_ grinned perfectly relaxed at me, a twinkle in _his_ eyes.

"Isn't it timing." _He_ laughed, coming a bit closer so that our bodies were now touching.

I was so nervous I hoped _he_ didn't hear my heart beat like it wanted to leave my chest.

Slowly we began to move to the beat of the song. And it seemed only we two existed at that moment. The whole world stopped moving, only we mattered.

I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I didn't really believe in this romantic nonsense, in which a handsome knight in shining armour would sweep the girl off her feet, but it was happening to me at that exact moment, so I had to rethink my opinion about it.

The song ended but we kept on looking at each other, oblivious to our surroundings. Slowly, _his_ face neared mine, _his_ eyes flickering to my lips. My heart, if possible, beat even faster then before. _He_ was going to kiss me, and I had no intention to stop _him_. Our lips were barley a centimetre apart when Sirius approached us.

"Sorry to interrupt" He said, not sounding sorry at all, but grinning mischievously, "but your mother's coming your way." And as quickly as he had come, he was gone.

_He_ looked at me apologetically and I smiled slyly at _him_.

"James, darling, here you are." I heard a voice behind me. I turned and saw the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, approach us. She had a pale skin, but full red lips. Her shiny black hair was pinned up in an elaborated knot, a few strands of short hair finding their place on her forehead, short above her piercing blue eyes. Her tall, slender body was dressed in a black, elegant lace-up back gown. She was probably in her mid-forties, but looked much younger.

"I've been searching you for an eternity now." Mrs. Potter taunted, looking at her son.

"Sorry mum." _He_ answered, looking into my direction.

She followed _his_ gaze, noticing me for the first time.

"Oh." She said surprised, smiling politely at me. "Who's your company?"

_He_ scratched _his_ head uncomfortably and looked at the ground.

"That's Lily." _He_ mumbled eventually. I waited for _him_ to continue and introduce me properly, but for _his_ mother this information seemed enough. She smiled at me brightly, this smile reaching her eyes too.

"Lily, it's such a pleasure to meet you." She exclaimed, taking my hand in hers.

"James has told me so much about you."

"Oh really?" I asked, glancing at _him_, but _he_ wouldn't meet my eyes. _He_ seemed almost, dare I say it, embarrassed?

"Of course. He tells me all about you since three years. He came home from his forth school year and told me about this girl he was always arguing with and which happened to be so beautiful and exceptional and stubborn he couldn't stop thinking about her. And since then it has always been you." My cheeks had turned quite red during her speech, but were nothing compared to _his_ flushed face.

"Mum." _He_ mumbled trough gritted teeth, but Mrs. Potter seemed oblivious to her sons' embarrassment.

"I'm really happy you decided to give James a chance, you're very special and important to him." I smiled and nodded at her.

"So, I leave you two alone now." She ruffled _his'_ hair and squeezed my hand before she left.

_He_ ran a hand through _his_ hair, _his_ gaze flickering into my direction for a second. I sensed _his_ uneasiness and took the first move.

"So…" I trailed off, approaching _him_, so that I stood in front of _him_, "I'm very special to you, yeah?" I grinned, offering _him_ my hand.

_He_ took it, wrapping _his_ other arm around me so that we were dancing once again.

_He_ looked down at me and smiled- _his_ eyes sincere. "Yes, yes you are." _He_ affirmed.

_Remember the first day, the first day we kissed__…_

The first day we kissed was the first day back at school after the Christmas holidays.

"So you and Frank?" I asked, a smile tugging at my lips. Alice blushed furiously, but smiled nonetheless.

Mary, Alice and I were on our way to Hogwarts, sitting in a carriage. It was snowing outside and a cold wind tugged at the leafless trees.

"Well, if my eyes didn't betray me you were quite cosy with a boy yourself." She replied smugly, Mary looking at me bewildered.

"I beg your pardon?" Mary asked her eyes wide.

"Lily danced with James at the Potters' Christmas ball and they seemed intimate." Alice grinned, having brought the spotlight from her to me successfully.

"And when had you intended to tell me?" Mary asked reproachfully, crossing her arms.

"We weren't intimate." I defended myself. "It was totally innocent."

They both looked at each other and grinned wickedly. "We didn't say it wasn't."

I scowled. "You both are incredible. I do not want to speak with you about it anymore."

"Aw come on Lily. Don't be that way. We're just so curious." They begged, looking at me with puppy eyes.

"But there is nothing to tell about. You already know everything. He brought me to the ball, we danced, and that's it."

"I saw something else." Alice interjected.

I frowned. Mary looking intrigued signified her to continue.

"Well, on the dance floor you two almost kissed, aren't I right?"

I looked at her shocked, fighting back a blush.

"No, we were not." I mumbled, eyeballing my shoes.

"Yes you were!" Mary shrieked, enthusiastically.

"The key word is _almost_!" I said eventually, and both girls shrieked again.

"Oh my, who would have thought this day would come." Mary said, whipping away a nonexistent tear dramatically.

I sighed relieved when the carriage came to a halt only seconds later. I threw my scarf around my neck and we made our way to the entrance gate. Snowflakes got entangled in my red hair, and the wind tugged at my coat.

We climbed the stairs to the door when someone called my name, apparently for the second time, because Mary and Alice had already turned and were now giggling madly. I turned myself and saw _him_ sprinting into my direction.

"I'll catch up with you." I said, the look in my eyes telling them to leave. They grinned knowingly and continued to climb the stairs.

"Lily!" _he_ called again, now only a few stairs underneath me.

"Hi James." I smiled. _He_ came to a halt and grinned up at me.

"Fancy meeting you here." _He_ grinned, _his_ hazel eyes sparkling behind _his_ glasses.

"You too." I wasn't able to stop grinning like mad. "Did you enjoy the rest of your holidays?" I asked.

"Not as much as you may think." _He_ replied, climbing the last few steps which were separating us. _He_ now stood on the step underneath mine, so we were at eye-level. "I missed you." _His_ warm breath was tickling my skin.

"And here I was, thinking we'd had the clingy-part left behind." I joked nervously, the close proximity dizzying my head.

"Yeah well, old habits die hard." _He_ said, coming even closer.

"Yeah…" was all I could utter.

"Did you enjoy your holidays?" _he_ asked back.

I nodded. "But… if I am to be honest, I missed you too…" I could see _his_ eyes brighten by my words and I felt butterflies erupt in my stomach because of _his_ intense gaze.

"Lily…" _he_ whispered hoarsely, _his_ left hand finding its way to the small of my back. I looked down, my heart beating wild in my chest.

"Lily, I'm… I'm going to kiss you know and…" I looked up at _him_ again and locked eyes with _him_.

"…and if you don't want me to…" _his_ right hand caressed my cheek softly "…you only have to keep me from doing so."

My heart skipped a beat. Could _he_ be any nicer? A small smile tugged at my lips when _he_ closed the distance between us. It was like a firework was exploding in my inside when our lips first met. _His_ lips were soft and warm and perfect and the kiss was a symbol for long lasting longing. It was short, simple, innocent and too soon it was over. We parted only seconds later, looking at each other. And when our eyes locked, green and brown, it felt like something in my inside clicked. A moment later our lips met again. This time the kiss was passionate and emotional. I could feel all the desire and yearning _he_ was holding for me. I felt _his_ tongue caressing my lover lip, begging or rather demanding entrance. I obliged immediately, letting _him_ deepen the kiss. _He_ tasted so good, and suddenly my knees got weak. I tumbled almost over but _he_ wound both _his_ arms around my waist, lifting me up, still kissing me. When we finally parted _he_ grinned up at me, _his_ eyes shining. I smiled back, not bothering to tell _him_ to let me down.

Suddenly I could hear a hail of catcalls. I turned, still in _his_ arms, and saw Mary and Alice standing on top of the staircase. I laughed looking back at _him_.

_He_ smiled, kissing me lightly on the lips. It felt like heaven.

…_remember the first day we had an argument…_

"Lily open up."

It wasn't as if we hadn't had arguments before…

"Open the door, Lily!"

There had been plenty of them…

"Lily, please!"

But it was the first argument…

"Come on Lily, I'm begging you!"

…it seemed we weren't able to straighten out.

I was sitting on the floor in the 7th year girls' dorm my back leaned against the door, crying my eyes out. _He_ stood on the other side of the door, banging _his_ fists onto it, frustrated. How _he_ had managed to climb up the stairs, it was a mystery to me.

It had been a bad argument. Things had been said, we both regretted. But we couldn't take them back, and to be honest, it wouldn't change anything.

It was over… _we_ were over. I still heard _his_ words ringing in my ears.

"_So, it's over?"_

"_Yeah, why not!"_

More tears dropped down my chin, into my lap. A soft sob escaped my lips, the banging had stopped.

The silence engulfed me like a heavy, impenetrable cloak. Nothing moved, nothing apart from the sun, which was slowly disappearing behind the hills.

Why did it have to be that way?

"_Lily, I have… I have to talk to you…"_

"_What's wrong? You look so serious."_

Why did _he_ have to do this?

"_You know I have to do __it, Lily! It's for us!"_

"_No James, this has nothing to do with us!"_

Why did _he_ have to leave?

"_I want to go. Lily, please understand that I must!"_

"_But why James, why?"_

The tears had died down. I was staring blankly at the wall in front of me, my eyes red and puffy. Long ago the sun had disappeared completely, leaving me in entire darkness.

It was over… God, what should I do without _him_? Three months we had been together, but it felt like an eternity. How was I able to survive without _him_?

"_Lily, you always knew I was going to fight."_

"_I'm fighting too; we're both in the order. But you, you want to risk so much. You could die, James!"_

"_There's war… we all could die."_

I had thought we would be together after Hogwarts, plan our future, but now it seemed there was no future for us.

"_Join You-Know-Who? Have you lost your mind?"_

"_I'm not _joining_ him, Lily. I'll pretend to join him and work as a spy."_

How could _he_ expect me to support _him_ in such a matter? It was suicidal.

"_I can't be with you, if you choose to do it."_

"_So, you're setting an ultimatum?"_

But why was my heart so aching for _him_?

"_I do this for you, Lily. I'm fighting for you. So we can be happy one day, without a war."_

God, how I loved _him_… I loved _him_.

"Oh my god, I love him!" I whispered, realization hitting me.

…_we apologized and then we compromised  
and we haven't argued since…  
_

"James!" I shouted, tearing the door open with might. _He_ flopped into the room, once the door had been opened, and came to a halt on _his_ back, in front of my feet. _He_ looked up at me, all the sorrow visible in _his_ eyes.

"Lily!" _he_ whispered, and with these words _he_ sprang to _his_ feet, taking me in _his_ arms and covering my face with light, loving kisses.

"I'm sorry… so sorry… Lily…" _he_ whispered again and again. Fresh tears threatened to fall down my cheeks and a light sob escaped my lips.

"It's… it's not your fault, James." My lips quivered and my heart sped up when _he_ kissed the corner of my mouth.

_He_ touched my face with both _his_ hands, sliding down my cheek, my neck, down my spine, leaving a trail of goose bumps where _his_ fingers had touched my skin.

"I won't go if you don't want me to… I was stupid to think I could leave you…" _he_ whispered hoarsely, kissing _his_ way up my jaw line to my ear.

"No, I was so egoistical James, please forgive me… It's just… I'm going to miss you so terribly…" The tears now fell freely. _He_ looked at me, whipping away the tears with _his_ thump.

"I'll stay." _He_ said after a moment of silence.

I shook my head softly. "Don't stay because of me. Do it. I know you want to. Be the hero." I smiled slightly at _him_. "And then come back."

"And…" _he_ locked eyes with me, _his_ brown eyes almost afraid. "Will you be waiting?" _he_ asked _his_ voice not above a whisper.

A genuine smile tugged at my lips and I nodded. "Yes James, I'll be waiting."

_I'm so happy so happy that you're in my life  
and baby now that you're a part of me  
you showed me  
showed me the true meaning of love_…

It was the night before our graduation. _He_ set in front of me; my legs entangled _his_ hips while I was giving _him_ a massage.

"You're so tense…" I complained while I worked my way down _his_ spine.

"Probably because you're sitting like this right behind me." _He_ explained blatantly.

"Am I making you nervous?" I asked ginning wildly and snuggling my nose into _his_ hair.

"Totally." _He_ admitted, and with these words _he_ turned abruptly, facing me.

"Hey." _He_ smiled and locked eyes with me.

"Hey." I whispered back. _His_ gaze upon me was intense and so full of love I felt my stomach fill with butterflies all over again.

"Lily" _he_ whispered, bringing _his_ lips to a halt only a centimetre in front of mine. "Lily… I love you…" I felt my heart skip a beat and then beating twice as quick. I had known it, but _he_ had never said these words. "I love you so much it hurts…" _he_ continued. "And…I don't know how I'll be able to leave you…" I lost myself in those brown eyes, so full of honesty. Without thinking I closed the space between us and kissed _him_ with all I had. _His_ lips were warm and moist and I never wanted to stop kissing _him_. Instead I parted my lips, meeting _his_ tongue with mine. I fell back on the couch and pulled _him_ with me, so _he_ was on top of me.

"I love you too." I whispered between kisses and _he_ stopped for a moment, looking at me with the same intense gaze.

"You do?" It was more a statement than a question, but _his_ eyes hinted a trace of insecurity.

"Yes." I smiled broadly up at _him_. "With all my heart!"

_His_ lips found mine again, this kiss more intense than the previous. Suddenly I felt an emotion in my inside, it almost hurt. And I knew I was ready. Ready for the greatest love proof a woman was able to give a man.

With slightly trembling hands I started to unbutton _his_ shirt, kissing every millimetre of the skin it exposed. I felt _him_ pause for a moment, then continuing kissing my neck softly.

I unbuttoned the last button and slipped the shirt off _his_ shoulders. I could feel _his_ hand on my side, pressing me against _his_ bare chest. _He_ did not remove my tank top, though.

"Lily…" _he_ whispered, kissing my left ear. "You…we don't have to…" _he_ trailed off, looking at me, _his_ hazel eyes expressing _his_ concern.

"James… I want to do it." I said, determined.

"Are you sure? Because I-"

"James" I interrupted _him_, "I love you. I always loved you. Even when you used that horrible pick up line on me when you first asked me out and when you chased me for three years. You never gave up on me, although I wasn't really friendly to you sometimes. Then you changed, matured. You became Head boy; you stopped asking me out because you knew it infuriated me. You told me your biggest secret because you trust me. And… before you kissed me for the first time you warned me, so I had a chance to decide myself if I wanted you to kiss me or not. We've been dating for 5 month and you never once pressured me into anything. You knew I was not ready. Do you really have to ask if I'm ready now?" I looked at _him_ intensely, and _he_ looked back, seriously.

"I can't live without you. You make me whole and because of you I know what love really means." _He_ didn't need to answer. I could see in _his_ eyes _he_ felt the same way too.

"James…" I whispered after a few seconds.

"Yes?" _he_ asked, _his_ voice, too, not above a whisper.

"…I'm going to kiss you know and…" my eyes felt glassy suddenly, remembering our first kiss "…if you don't want me to…" my lips where only millimetres away from _his'_ "…you only have to keep me from doing so." And with that I kissed _him_, my lips parting so we could deepen the kiss. My fingers dug into _his_ bare back, bringing my body as close as possible to _him_. Both my legs were wrapped around _his_ waist and I could feel the tension building up in _his_ body. _He_ removed my top clumsily, leaving me in only my bra. I then decided it was my turn to take initiatives and untangled my legs from _him_. My hand trailed down _his_ chest and my lips followed suit, leaving a trace of moist on _his_ skin. I heard _him_ moan when I reached _his_ navel, lingering a moment longer there. I opened _his_ trousers, fumbling nervously at the closure. _He_ helped me remove the trousers and then opened mine as well. I felt the fabric shift down my legs and then _his_ hand on my knee, moving up my thigh…

…_and when he looks at me his brown eyes tell his soul._

"So this was it… this was Hogwarts…" I stated.

"Strange we're leaving, isn't it?" _he_ whispered, glancing down at me.

We were walking by the lake, hands entwined, looking for the last time at our former home.

We were silent for a few minutes, taking in the image of the castle, memorising a school which had been so much more than only that.

"What is going to happen now?" I asked quietly, thinking of the war outside the secure walls of Hogwarts.

"I don't know." _He_ answered sincerely.

"I'm afraid." I confessed with glassy eyes.

"That's good." I looked up at _him_ at this reply, irritated.

"If you're afraid" _he_ explained "it shows you have something to loose." I locked eyes with _him_, _his_ brown eyes showing fear as well as mine. This comforted me somehow. I nodded and gave _him_ a watery smile.

We sat down under a tree near the forest and I snuggled into _his_ chest. _He_ wrapped an arm around me and momentarily we were able to forget the war and the horrible things that were happening. I thought about the last night, about what we had done and the happy feeling I had had in the morning, returned. I felt so secure with _him_ and regretted nothing. It had been so easy to decide. _He_ was the man I loved. _He_ was the man I wanted to live my life with. _He_ was the man I would to die for.

With my right hand I caressed _his_ chest absentmindedly, while _he_ every now and then would bend down to kiss the top of my head. I felt at peace, calm and collected, and I wanted to safe this moment forever.

_He_ snuggled _his_ nose into my hair by my ear and I felt _his_ warm breath tickling me. I smiled at that feeling and wrapped both arms around _his_ chest.

"Marry me." _He_ whispered, kissing my ear lightly.

"What?" I asked distracted, playing with the hem of _his_ shirt.

"Marry me." _He_ repeated, still whispering. I stopped fiddling with the fabric immediately, looking up at _him_ with wide eyes.

"What?" I asked again, this time for a complete other reason, though. _He_ smiled at me, _his_ eyes bright.

"You heard me." _He_ said it in such a light, casual voice I thought _he_ had only been joking.

"And where's the punch line?" I asked a bit irritated.

"You're wounding my ego, Lily. I just proposed to you and you think it's a joke."

I glanced at _him_ again, feeling torn.

"Your ego's big enough." I said eventually, not knowing if _he_ was serious or not.

_He_ laughed, and then _he_ looked at me with this intense gaze again.

"I'm totally serious Lily." _He_ said as if _he_'d read my thoughts.

I knew what _he_ said was true, I could see it in _his_ eyes.

"But… why?" I asked silently, looking down at my hands.

"Do you really have to ask? Isn't it obvious?" I felt _his_ finger under my chin, forcing me gently to look up at _him_.

"I love you Lily! I want to be with you, for the rest of my life. I know I'm being selfish here, but I can't let you go… never! And I don't want to waste time neither. I want you to be close to me, I want to protect you and I want you to be my wife." _He_ said, all the time looking at me with _his_ brown, golden eyes.

"But I thought you'd leave to-"

"No Lily. I don't want to leave you ever again. I want a future with you, you alone."

We fell into a silence then, staring at each other.

"So…" _he_ spoke eventually. "What do you say?" _he_ asked, insecure written all over _his_ face.

I waited a second longer and then began to smile.

"Do you really have to ask?" I grinned, repeating _his_ previously spoken words. "Isn't it obvious?"

And I kissed _him_ with all my heart, knowing that _he_ was the one and only man I'd kiss for the rest of my life.


End file.
